28 Months and counting!

I am so beyond happy to report that my latest scan results were good and that my remission continues!  I am closer and closer to that 3 year mark and that is a big deal!

 

 

Even though I physically feel healthy, I always get very anxious when it's scan time because I know how quickly things can change, and often without symptoms.  So, every clean scan I get I praise the Lord that I am able to continue on this path of remission!

 

 

Sometimes it is so hard to hear different results from other melanoma comrades.  The very same week I was having scans, many others were also doing the same.  When I heard that some of those warriors were not getting favorable results, my heart broke for them!  I feel this strange pull of emotion upon hearing that news--on one hand, grateful that I am still in remission, but on the other, almost guilty for it too!  I want so badly for everyone to have good news and success with treatments.

 

 

Even still, I continue to support them in their fight and pray for their own miracles.  I guess that is all I can do.

Reflecting...

 

Sometimes I go back and read back through my blog to when I first began this journey with melanoma.  It is always therapeutic, strengthening and humbling to recall some of the experiences (both good and bad) that I have had the past few years.

 

One thing that I have been thinking about a lot lately (and often forget) are some of the painful, not-so-fun experiences that I have had.  For example, I still remember very clearly the day I was told I had Stage 4 Melanoma. It was literally like a bus ran over me.  Or a knife stabbing my heart.  Hearing those words from my doctor was probably one of the most surreal moments of my life.  And obviously not in a good way.  I felt like I was having a nightmare or out-of-body experience where I didn't feel connected to the experience that I was having.  Almost like I was just "watching" or "witnessing" myself being told that news.  It was very strange.  And then grasping that news and dealing with it was a whole different ball game.  It was so frightening, that even now I tear up just remembering how scared I was.  I would cry at the drop of the hat just thinking about the enormity of my situation, the unknown of the future, and how delicate my life hung in the balance...

 

 

I remember thinking to myself upon hearing that dreadful news that, "I might not make it to my 35th birthday".  That milestone seemed so far away and yet I was still SO young!  Now, as I approach that birthday in 2 months, I am overwhelmed with joy that I WILL make it to my 35th birthday.  I hope to celebrate it in a big way because there was a time when I honestly doubted I would see that day come.

 

Another memory or instance that has crossed my mind recently was an experience quite polar opposite from the previous.  And that was hearing the news from my doctor that my treatment was working.  I was half way through my biochemotherapy and had just completed scans.  I was so anxious to hear the results, just hoping and praying that they were good and that we could continue on this path to remission and recovery.  What I didn't expect was to hear that not only was the treatment working, but miraculously 5 of my 6 tumors (which were quite large), were gone.  Dissapated.  No evidence or trace of them left behind. And the one remaining was more than half its size and no longer active!  I remember watching my doctor excitedly tell me the results and the only words that came to my mind were, "It's a miracle."

 

Because it was.  It was truly a miracle.  I have witnessed miracles in my life before.  But nothing like this.  I was so overcome with emotion, gratitude to my Heavenly Father for healing me through the medicine, and filled with love for all the prayers and love being sent from so many family members, friends, and even strangers.  I knew at that moment that prayers really do work.

 

 

It's memories like these that I am so grateful for because I always want to remember them.  When I remember them, I am humbed, strengthened, and reminded of the blessings I have been given in my life and that is truly a gift!

Much gratitude

When I reflect on the "low points" of my life,  I can honestly say that I have always remained happy despite the challenges and found joy in my life.  And I think that this quote really sums it up.  If we can always find the blessings and good things in our life, then we can truly be happy, even when times are tough.

This year I have so much to be grateful for.   My life is overfull of love from all my family and friends, I have good health, I have a warm home and bed, I live in a free country, I have Jesus Christ in my life, and a lot of faith and hope for a bright, LONG future!

Sol Survivors success!

We have had success these past couple of months with our foundation, Sol Survivors Melanoma Foundation, in raising awareness for melanoma and educating our youth.  We recently spoke at Timberline and Rocky Mountain High School in Boise and have plans to speak to 2 more schools in December.

 

 

It has been such an empowering experience talking to these youth about melanoma and sharing our  knowledge as well as our personal stories with melanoma.  So far, we have gotten AWESOME feedback from both the teachers and students in the schools and all have invited us back next semester to repeat the curriculum.  Some of the things we cover in our presentation are:

 

1.  Melanoma facts and statistics relevant to the youth

 

2.  Common misconceptions and myths of melanoma/skin cancer

 

3.  Risk factors for melanoma

 

4.  Detection (ABCDE's)

 

5.  Prevention strategies

 

6.  Anti-tanning

 

7.  Embracing their skin or "Going with their Glow"

 

 

We try to make the whole presentation relatable to these teens by making it interactive, asking/answering questions, and even making it humerous at times.  We also show the Dear 16 Year Old Me video at the end, and of course share our personal stories with melanoma, both of which really grab their attention.

 

It has been effective so far, I think.  We have had a few students tell us they promise not to tan anymore!  Success!

 

The best part for me is sharing a little of my story with them as I know it relates to the choices they are making right now (that I also did at their age).  We are so grateful that our mission is moving forward and know that in the process of educating others, we will save lives ultimately!

Wellness

I love this because when I think back to the journey I've been on, it's never been just me.  It's a slew of people behind me that have helped me get me to where I am today.

 

I have said this time and time again, but having a strong support system really does matter and can often make the difference between life and death.

 

To anyone out there fighting cancer or any other kind of illness, make sure to thank your loved ones for supporting you!  Your "wellness" depends on it!

Live Like You're Dying

 

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up

We're hiding behind skin that's too tough

How come we don't say I love you enough?

'Til it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come

And we could make a feast from these crumbs

And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun

So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done?

Yeah, we gotta start lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given

If this is all we got, then we gotta start thinkin'

If every second counts on a clock that's tickin'

Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to

Turn it all around or to throw it all away

We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say

Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies

Who would you call with your last goodbye?

Should be so careful who we left out of our lives

And when we long for absolution, there will be no one on the line

Yeah, we gotta start lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given

If this is all we got, then we gotta start thinkin'

If every second counts on a clock that's tickin'

Gotta live like we're dying

--Lyrics by Kris Allen

 



Strong Faith



canSURVIVE

 

Almost a year ago, the founder of Needs Beyond Medicine approached me and asked if I would be willing to have my photograph taken for their annual fundraising event in SLC, UT in November of 2012.  This event, called canSURVIVE is a wonderful, unique event in which cancer survivors' photographs and stories are beautifully displayed in a gallery stroll.  Each story and survivor is different, inspiring, and evokes strength and courage.

 

I was humbled to be chosen as one of the survivors they honored in the event, and the picture above is the one they chose to display (not my favorite however!).  I wish we were able to attend this event (which is actually tonight), but we just had too many conflicting things on our schedule.

 

Needs Beyond Medicine is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to diminishing the burden of cancer by increasing awareness, education, and giving relief to cancer patients. The organization’s Relief Program is the primary means of support for patients. Through this program, Needs Beyond Medicine offers small financial grants to cancer patients. These grants are designed to help with non-medical expenses such as food, utility bills, transportation to therapy, etc.

 

To learn more about this incredible foundation and the work they do, or to see if you would qualify for financial assistance as a cancer patient, please go here.

To Live

 

Sometimes I forget I had cancer.  I use the word, "had" because I am hopeful that it will never come back!  I have days where I almost forget what I have been through, days where the "C" word doesn't even pop into my mind at all (tender mercy!).

 

 

I can't decide if that's a blessing or a curse.

 

 

One one end, it's really quite a blessing to not have my world and thoughts "revolve" around cancer, my mortality, and the unknown future.  To live a "normal" life again is such a gift!

 

 

But on the other end, sometimes I wonder, "Do I just not live in reality?",  "Is the cancer going to return eventually, only to take my life?"  Maybe I should think about it more often, not to dwell on the negative emotions, but just to remind myself not only what I've been through and still going through.  Maybe it's good to always prepare oneself for the worse, right?!

 

 

I used to say that all I wanted was to be a survivor.

 

 

But there really is a difference between surviving and LIVING.  To live implies, that one is living life to the fullest, enjoying every minute of it, even the ups and downs.  Right now, that is what I'm trying to do, I guess.  I just want to live my life. I want to be around to see my 40th birthday, I want to cheer on my boys at their games, I want to see them graduate from high school, I want to see them off on their missions, go to college, get married, and someday have GRANDBABIES! I want to be with my husband, by his side, and continue building our life together, making adventures, and tackling the challenges in life.

 

 

There is so much to live for.

 

 

May we all not just survive, but LIVE.

Common Denominators

I remember at one point a couple of years ago asking my doctor, "What do you feel are the common denominators in your patients that survived?"  I knew this was a loaded question perhaps, and of course, subjective, but my curious nature couldn't help but inquire.

 

 

His response?  "Well, I think it might be a lot of things, but a positive attitude gets you far."

 

 

At the time, I was satisfied with his answer (because it made sense to me), but then I decided to do a little of my own research in finding out what other possible "common denominators" there might be between cancer survivors.

 

 

Now, my conclusion (after talking to lots of cancer survivors)...And I admit is totally MY own opinion.  I have met a lot of cancer survivors, and many who were given a poor prognosis just like me.  Upon talking to them and getting to hear their stories, I believe that my doctor is right, attitude is everything.

 

 

And I mean EVERYTHING.

 

 

People who ignore the statistics, I think, in general fare better.

 

 

People who maintain a positive outlook on life and throughout their challenges, in my opinion, often do better than those who have a poor attitude.

 

 

Those that don't give up because that isn't even an option, live longer.

 

 

But there's more.  I think there are some other common denominators between cancer survivors:

 

 

1.  They are their own best advocates when it comes to their health care.

 

2.  They have a good support network.

 

3.  They believe in a God or some "supreme being" and exercise their faith.

 

4.  They do everything they can to have success with treatments.  They adopt a healthier lifestyle.  Or maybe that means "thinking outside of the box" and combining uncoventional with conventional treatments.

 

5.  They take risks (such as choosing a cutting-edge chinical trial).

 

6.  They enjoy life despite their challenges and set-backs.

 

7.  They are happy.

 

8.  They allow others to help and support them when times call for it--physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

 

9.  They take care of themselves, eating healthy and exercising.

 

10.  Last but not least, they pray.  The power of prayer is a real!

 

 

I'm sure there are many more common denominators.  I know that even if one has all of these attributes it doesn't mean they will get the desired outcome, but I don't think they hurt either!

 

 

What has helped you survive cancer?