Impossible

 

 

Cancer surrounds us

We've all heard the saying that everyone has been touched by cancer in some form or another.  It's true though.  Cancer affects EVERYONE.

 

 

For example, just recently, we had a good friend (our age) lose her husband to brain cancer.  They had four young children.  It was just devastating.  And then my 8 yr old son's Primary teacher was recently diagnosed with a rare form of adrenal cancer.  Her cancer was caught somewhat late, and there aren't a lot of treatment options available to her, but she is fighting it to her best ability.

 

 

One of our Sol Survivors, Janice, just lost her mom to lung cancer.  She was in her early 60's and had beat lung cancer 13 years ago before it came back this year.  Such a sad loss for Janice and her sweet family.  Then there's Amy Dunn's father.  Remember Amy Dunn?  She was a fellow Sol Survivor, who lost her life to melanoma almost 2 years ago.  29 years old.  Her dad has Stage IV colon cancer and it just breaks my heart.

 

 

Cancer really is everywhere.  Cancer doesn't discriminate and it usually just sneaks up upon you!  There are days that I just hate cancer.  I wish scientists would find a cure for it already.  On the bright side though, cancer is a reminder of our mortality, our fragile existence, and how precious life is.  After having gone through that experience myself, I will never take that for granted.

 

 

Doubt your Doubts

 

This is so important to remember in life, I think!

Shae Simis

 

 Meet our newest Sol Survivor, Shae Simis!  She is a 7 yr old Stage 3 melanoma warrior and lives in Meridian, Idaho.  Her mom recently reached out to us via our support group and we are so grateful to help support this family in any way we can!  Shae is currently undergoing treatment and doing well and we have big hopes for her to continue a long, happy, healthy life free of melanoma!  GO SHAE!

The Wrong Road

I recently watched this video and it touched me so much I just to share it.  I feel like there have been many times in my life when I have realized that I am on the "wrong road" when I have felt it was right.  It is frustrating to go down a path that you feel is right, only to have to back track and find the right path.

What I have come to realize watching this video is that sometimes God leads you down the wrong path at first because he wants you to learn something, maybe an important life lesson that wouldn't have been learned any other way.  Or maybe God wants to reassure you that when you do find the right path, the other path was undoubtedly wrong.

While it may seem incredibly frustrating to be going the wrong direction for a time, in the end, I believe that is all for our good.  We can't learn or progress in this life without stumbling across road blocks in our path.  For when we do overcome those road blocks and find the right path again, we have a greater appreciation for our successes.

And yet another 3 months (sigh)...

Well, the good news continues and how blessed I feel!  My test results came back good once again, and remission continues.  I feel so incredibly grateful each time I hear this news.  I never take it for granted.  My doctor has decided that my next 3 month visit will be my last 3 month visit, so long as my results are good.  And then I graduate to 6 month visits and no more Yervoy!

 

 

I have mixed emotions about this, as I have continually been in treatment for 3 1/2 years without a break.  On one hand, I feel anxious about the cancer returning once I'm no longer in treatment, but on the other hand, I'm also grateful to only have to return twice a year.  I guess I just need to trust my doctor, the statistics (my recurrence rate has dropped tremendously), and most importantly, God!

Try again

When I saw this, I immediately thought of my sweet husband who is the master of perseverance, not giving up, and enduring to the end!  I also think of Abraham Lincoln who failed multiple times in his life before succeeding.  Great characters are built from our ability to never give up!

Survivor's guilt

There is something that I never would have predicted I would feel being a cancer survivor, let alone even knew about.  And that is something called survivor's guilt.  You're probably thinking that I'm making this up, right?!

 

 

 

You would think that surviving cancer would lend mostly positive feelings, such as gratitude and hope, or maybe even a sense of accomplishment, but there is this whole other side of being a survivor that can sometimes be hard to deal with.  Fear is part of it.  Fear of the cancer returning, fear of the unknown, fear of not having control over your body.  But then there is also guilt.  Guilt for living when others around you are dying.  Guilt for having success with treatments when others aren't.  Guilt for managing the disease well when maybe others have a difficult time and experience unpleasant side effects.  It just doesn't seem fair.

 

 

My intention in writing about this is not to gain pity and sympathy.  It is solely to explore this other side of "survivorship", so that others like myself may not feel alone, as I am sure that others out there that can relate to this sentiment.

 

 

It becomes especially difficult when you personally know people that are struggling to stay alive or maybe don't have the same outcome as you did.  Unfortunately, for me, I know plenty of people who have had less than desirable outcomes with cancer and have passed on.  It's even harder when it's the same kind of cancer.  I always experience this pang of guilt and start questioning why they had to die and I survived.  After all, what makes them any different than me?

 

 

For example, I recently wrote about my friend, Leslee's husband Jared.  Jared was not much older than me.  Jared had a wife and four young children.  Jared was a good person.  But yet, Jared lost his life to brain cancer.  He was yanked from his family too soon.  He wasn't even middle-aged!  Yet, God had a different plan for him, a plan that maybe we don't comprehend at this point.  So, why him and not me?  We both have similar circumstances.  We both have families, spouses, responsibilities, life to be lived!

 

 

And yet for some reason (maybe several reasons), I am still here.  God is obviously not "done" with me yet.  Ok, that sounded like I was getting fired from life or something, but you know what I mean.  My time isn't up yet.  I probably have a lot of lessons to still learn!  I don't want this to sound like I'm ungrateful.  Because trust me, I am NOT ungrateful.  In fact, seeing others go before me (especially younger people) only makes me more grateful to be alive.  But what sometimes accompanies that gratitude is this feeling of guilt.  And it sometimes gets the best of me.  I need to just focus on the positive and push the bad feelings out of my head (easier said than done).

 

 

The thing is that I KNOW that God has a plan for all of us.  A very beautiful, unique, individualized plan that only He knows.  His plan for us, I believe, will provide us with the most happiness and growth too.  I also know that people die all the time, at all different ages, sometimes unexplained or at no fault of their own.  Thus is life, right?!  But yet, even with this knowledge, I still struggle with this guilt.

 

 

I guess the trick to balancing the good and the bad side of cancer survivorship is to always keep my priorities and perspective in check.  To always come back to what I know and what I feel.  And what I feel is incredible gratitude to be alive, to have a healthy body that is working, to be around for my husband and kids, and to enjoy life even despite the challenges that arise.

 

 

Challenge=Change

 

How I love this so much!  I think any challenge, good or bad, can change us for the better if we have the right attitude and perspective.  There is nothing more rewarding than seeing what we've learned and gained from our challenges!

Definition of Inconquerable

What do you think of when you think of the word INCONQUERABLE?

 

 

 

I think of our friend, Leslee Olsen's husband, Jared who just passed away on Friday due to brain cancer.  Even when death was eminent, Jared's spirit never gave up.  He never let cancer define who he was.  He never became bitter at cancer or more importantly, at God for letting his life slip away from his dear wife and 4 sweet, young children.  Jared never complained, he never used his cancer as a "crutch", and he always found humor in everything around him.  He simply turned this devastating, terminal life challenge into something positive and beautiful to teach others what is important in life and that with God's help, anything is possible.


To me, that is someone who is INCONQUERABLE.  I am in awe of not only how Jared handled his cancer, but how his family sought to find the blessings and silver linings along their journey.  I would like to say that I have done that in my own journey, although not perfectly, but nevertheless, found the joy in the journey when times were tough and hope was lost.


We can all learn from Jared and his family.  Their story always reminds me that God is indeed mindful of us, has a plan for us, and loves us more than we can comprehend.