Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fight for Fina Benefit Run

The crew (our family and a few friends) who made this happen! (More pictures on my other blog.)

The first of 3 benefit races for us was held yesterday in Logan, UT. Eric and Austin drove down for it. There were more than 300 participants there all in support of our family and this cause! In addition to a 1 mile/5K/10K race, they also had a silent auction and raffle. So many companies and people donated their services and goods to help us out, including 2 treadmills from ICON. We are SO grateful to our family and friends who put these events together for us-the support means the WORLD to us! I only wish I could've been there.... :(

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Half way hump

I can't believe I'm halfway done with treatment. In some ways it has flown by, and in other ways it seems like forever since I felt completely "normal". This is a crucial point because before my next treatment I will do scans to see how well the treatment is working. I feel good about things though and because we have some idea that the tumors are shrinking (from the chest x-rays I get each time), it's not as nerve-wracking as it could be. Let's just hope and pray that not only are my lung tumors shrinking, but no new lesions are popping up in my body.

The recovery from this treatment has been rougher. And longer. I've been more tired and my stomach has been more unsettled. I think that is because each treatment builds on the last. I don't even want to know how I will feel by the 5th and 6th round! I just keep telling myself that it will be over before I know it. And then there's maitenance therapy for a ENTIRE year which requires me to travel back and forth once a month and do 2 1/2 days in the hospital with ONE of the drugs. UGH. But I'm trying not to think about that part. I gotta just focus on getting through the toughest part. Completing 6 treatments is a FEAT and there will be huge celebrations when it's all said and done and I'm "cancer free" (that's what I tell myself at least). In fact, my parents are taking the family to Maui in January and I CAN'T WAIT. Something to look forward to!

For now, I'm just glad to be home and be together with my husband and kids. And when I start coming out of recovery and I'm left with a "good week" there will be lots of "livin' it up" to be done before the next round! :)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Down days

Sometimes I think that everyone believes that I'm always positive, optimistic, bearing no negative or doubtful thoughts all the time. But let me tell you, that is just not so. I am human, people! MOST of time, I do feel optimistic about my future and extremely blessed given our circumstances. Really, I have so much to be grateful for. I have everything that I need and everything that truly makes me happy. A loving and devoted husband, two wonderful and amazing children, unbelieveable parents and family members, incredible friends all over, the GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST, and most importantly, a knowledge that God loves me, has a plan for me, and only wants the best for me. When you add in all our temporary needs, we really can't ask for too much more. We have it all.

There are days, which I call my "down days" when I really think about the reality of the situation I'm in. Which leads to all kinds of doubts and fears of the unknown. The question I struggle with the most at times is, "How am I any different from "so-and-so" who gotten taken away from her/his family too early?" We hear and see these tragedies happen all around us. I believe these moments are a wake-up call for us to not get comfortable with life, and realize that life is short and can change in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes I find myself crying myself to sleep or in the shower as I think about the possibility of being taken away from my family too early. I'm only 32 years old! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be fighting cancer at this stage in my life (or any stage in my life). The thought is too much to bare sometimes. I often doubt my own strength and courage, and even my will to live because I know that the odds are greatly stacked up against me.

Then I realize I'm not a "statistic". I'm a person. I'm an individual and I either have a 0% chance or a 100% chance of living. I'll take that 100% anyday and keep on going. What helps me snap out of my "moments" is reading thoughts, letters, and cards from loved ones. Anytime I'm with my children and engaged in them, I am quickly reminded that I can't be sad for THEM. They are the reason I'm fighting. Or I say a prayer and then immediately feel the calming reassurance that Heavenly Father loves me and that all will be well. These are just a few of the things I use in my "artilerary".

Oh, and one last thing, I love inspirational quotes, so if you have a favorite one, send me some love! :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I Will Win This Fight

Some of our family members and dear friends are starting a fundraiser/race on our behalf. We are so humbled by this offer to help raise money for all of our medical expenses and travel! There are two races being held, the first in Logan, UT on Sept 25th and the second on Oct 16th in Kaysville, UT. You can register on the below website. It is awesome. We are SO blessed with such amazing family and friends that are wanting to do this for us. Check it out!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Food is medicine

As an anniversary gift to ourselves, Eric and I bought this...

It is one amazing machine that can juice just about anything-coconuts, cherries, kale, beets, you name it. So, I'm officially a "juicer" now, which means I'm going to start buying even more produce than I normally do (which is a lot). I need another fridge! We are going to mostly stick to juicing carrots, apple, kale, and beets w/ a little bit of lemon. It's super yummy and is PACKED w/ so many good cancer-fighting nutrition. The kids love it too, which is great. I just give them some every morning too!

Just when you thought I couldn't get any healthier! :)